I have been filled with an aching desire for years now to be a part of something bigger than my own life. The joy of working with children and adults in need fills my heart to the brim with gladness, especially those whom none care to give the least bit of attention too. Those are the ones who burden my heart the most.
This country has resonated in my thoughts for years, I truly do believe God has placed so specifically Africa, in my thoughts for a purpose.
Currently I feel as if I am floundering around in a society that focuses so intently on the completely wrong things. Money has never has been a focus for me, I have never dreamed of ways I can become rich or pursued a career in life that will garner me most profitable in the future. I have always been intent on pursuing what really and truly brings me to life and lights up a fiery passion in my eyes.
That's what does it for me. I have, just like many other people, been on several mission trips and grew up in a church environment my entire life. Those trips I have attended from a young age served to spark an intense passion while being a part of them, albeit brief. When I approached my senior year of high school I did what most normal 17 year olds do and started looking into the college I wanted to attend and what career I wanted for my life. I remember it being this incredibly strange feeling to essentially be choosing something that would shape the rest of my life (or so I thought.)
I chose TN Tech University in Cookeville, TN (just an hour or so outside of my hometown) because number one, it was different from where everyone of my friends from high school were going. You see, I have this problem with always coloring outside the lines with my life…anyway, I took a leap and chose Tech having only a couple acquaintances there. Needless to say, I fell in love with the people I met and the environment around me. College was and always will be considered one of the greatest times of my life.
However, in regards to what I was actually there for, ahem* school..I had decided to forgo my true interests in life, deeming them instead as "hobbies" and decided to choose the oh so practical major of "Marketing". I remember this being a struggle for me at the time. I am a wildly creative, scatter brained person who loves to write/journal, take pictures, cook, draw, create, travel, and so much more. I remember settling on the choice of Marketing as it felt to me to be the most creative aspect of the business world. Practical while still entailing what I love, right? I've come to discover now that this is not the case for me by any means. Practical is such a gross word.
I remember having it so fixed in my mind the checklist I needed to complete in order to fit in with normal society. So I did, I studied hard, applied and acquired multiple internships, had countless interviews in search of a job, then successfully acquired one just a few weeks after my graduation in a marketing/sales position. You think I'd be happy right? I had the serious boyfriend, a college degree, and a brand new job just out of school. I was living the quintessential life of a normal 22 year old. Nothing however, could shake the feeling from deep in the back of my head (you know that one spot everyone has and tries their best to ignore? yeah that one) telling me that "your life is not your own"
I have tried and tried to cover it up and shove it way far down, convincing myself it's a figment of my imagination. But it's most certainly not. I absolutely know without a doubt I was not meant to live a "normal" life. I do not believe that I, or really anyone, was placed on this earth to just simply go through the motions. I'm sick of the motions. I have the deepest strongest desire inside me to leave behind everything here and just explore, learn, help, and live…that's what people like to call "crazy". God has been gently prodding me for years to go do something, now I feel as if he is practically shouting at me, GO DO SOMETHING! Or as he so eloquently puts it in his own book, "be fishers of men"
I want to enjoy my life to the fullest while my body can still keep up. I refuse to believe that everything you want in life is impossible to accomplish. Anyone can do anything, anyone. The difference lies between those who just like to say "I wish I could" versus those who actually work their butts off and do it.
Folks, I think its time for me to GO DO SOMETHING and I urge the same of you.