Friday, August 24, 2012

I quit my job.

Well..I did it.

I quit my job.

Talk about Scary.  Nervewracking.  Overwhelming.  Exciting.  For the last day and a half I have been torn between a couple of emotions.  The majority, however being relief.  I want to clarify that by no means do I think my job was perfect for me, but it could have been a lot worse.  I worked with some truly awesome people that I do hope to keep in contact with throughout my life.  The job however, just wasn't for me.

Another emotion I naturally experienced was guilt.  I felt as if I let down certain people and the company.  The thing I had to keep reminding myself of though is by me remaining there unhappy I would have let down people regardless.  In a much worse manner by simply being unpassionate about what I was doing.

It's funny as I've known for quite some time now that what I was doing was certainly NOT going to be what I continued to do for an extended amount of time.  I wasn't excited nor passionate about going in to work everyday.  Simply put, it was a paycheck.  For the first 9ish months or so I was convincing myself day in and day out that it wasn't that bad.  However about the time the sun decided to warm the earth back up and the flowers decided to open their faces to the warmth (ie. springtime) I had finally stopped lying to myself and concluded that this just was not the job for me.  I had a conversation with myself saying, "Carrie, how silly are you?  You are only 22 years old and you're practically miserable.  You're content with a job that isn't that bad?"  At that point, reality smacked me across the face and said "Hey dummy, who says you have to settle????  You have all the capability in the world to pursue the best life possible, what are you doing?!"

From that point on things started to rapidly change inside for me.  I finally started acknowledging and stoking the fire that had been idling inside me for so long.  I went into action.  One of my lifelong goals has always been to backpack for an extended period of time overseas (preferably everywhere, but specifically Europe first).  I looked up tickets on a whim one day and discovered to my surprise how affordable it actually was.  I then dove headfirst into researching absolutely everything I could about traveling on a budget.  I read countless blogs and articles on different travel topics becoming more and more excited everyday.  I could do this.  This was possible.  I purchased a one way ticket to Europe scheduled to leave September 11, 2012 without a second thought.

I did my job throughout that time all whilst quietly and silently daydreaming of my backpacking days soon to come.  The time came for me to walk in and finally quit, my last day was Wednesday, August 22nd.  Today, I woke up with a new found sense of freedom that I really have never felt before.  I've come to quickly realize though there is a fine line to being free and being the lazy ass person who lays in bed/sits on their couch all day watching dumb tv reruns.  This is it.  My life is in my own hands now.  If I don't go out and make something happen.  It won't, simple as that.

The best part about all this besides the above?  I am happy.  Finally.  I can do whatever I want and steer my life however I want.  Funny thing is, is we all have that same power..some just refuse to find it. 

I have been looking forward to writing this blog since March.  Since that pivotal moment in mind when all things changed for me.  The main reason why I've been looking forward to it is because I want to tell you to please please don't let your life just pass you by.  Don't let the fear of the unknown keep you from your passions and dreams.  I have never in all my days had this much uncertainty surrounding my life.  I'm not as nervous as some would think, in fact I'm relishing in it.  I thrive on change and sponaneity.  I am excited albeit slightly scared.

I hope to post a blog in the near future where I can speak from experience and knowledge on this idea of living my life outside the realm of normalcy.  For now, speculation will have to do.

And so, my adventure begins.

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